Wednesday 31 July 2013

When it's time...time for you.




Me...on time? Always you reply with confidence. Are you? Are you really?



What does time mean for you? Does is it seem to go faster or slower with the years? Are you an on time person, a half an hour late person or ...time...what time? Just looking at those questions you can see how differences could potentially cause problems in life and in relationships....




I freely admit I was a' time Nazi' for years. I was super, super organised, everything done before time, in place, perfect, not a wrinkle in sight in anything that did or did not  move. If it moved then stopped into the washing machine in the blink of an eye. Everything was timed to the eenth degree...and it would have taken hell to freeze over for it not to happen.






Now this was just like me...and that was just with paperwork...there are no images thank goodness of my 100% super moving, super driving the rest of the world crazy.I am sure you get the picture.  








 Les (my  late husband) used to say he was not game to stand still or he would find himself on the inside of the washing machine with a mouthful of soap suds. On reflection the man was a saint...we led a busy life and Saturday morning I would wake at the crack of dawn and start plotting how I could get him out of bed...get the washing on... start  on the loooooong list of weekend jobs.  My modus operandi was to wriggle in bed till I disturbed him, knowing a call of nature would move him...I was out in a flash and had the bed stripped before he got back. I can't understand why he got so upset...poor darling. I recall we had more than one  spirited discussions on the matter.  





I was just a 'teensy bit' hyper active....I suspect the Universe breathed  sigh of relief when I resigned as manager...and shocking as it may seem coped very well without me. 






Remember when you were a child a day seemed ages, holidays were forever away and nothing ever seemed to change. Fast forward to maturity (notice I was to polite to put an age on that) time flies by, weeks even months go in the blink of an eye...except when you are waiting for the kettle to boil or the computer to turn on.    

A girlfriend was speaking to me about this last night. Her words were time...it disappears. Where does it go and why so fast. My grandmother told me years ago that as you get older time goes quicker. Why is that? Is it because I am not organised and I waste time. Do I spend to much time on 'things' and  yet still 'not deal with it' (procrastination) or do something I love and time flies away.

Does it go more quickly? I think our perception of time changes  and today we fit so much more into every day and we are constantly bombarded with doing more, achieving more and doing just one ok ten more things.  And before you know it the kids have left home, you found grey streaks in your hair and OMG there is a hair growing on your chin! Your partner retires, your parents need you and on it goes.

You find yourself thinking when...when it is time for me?



We all know the old adage - if you want something done ask a busy person. How true is this.  I find when I have a lot on and I am busy I am still super organised and can fit in just that bit more. When it is quieter, I think the pressure is off, I will do it later... and later becomes a very loose term.  

 
What I have noticed is that I am slowing down, I can't physically do what I could do 5 years ago and it takes me longer to do it. My brain still thinks I can...that super organised Miss in my mind  makes the long list, the body looks at it and says...in your dreams!

Hyperactive is probably a word that was bandied about frequently when describing me. It took multiple life challenges ranging from the miniscule to the monumental to slow me down. And how I fought it, yelled at it, had tanti's large and small...before I arrived at acceptance.

With the major life change of losing my partner of 31 years...my perception of time changed rapidly. My personal inner work has seen major changes in me...my confidence has ebbed and flowed  and is now blossoming as I morphed into the quiet and assured confidence of the evolved Di.

Today as I look back I wonder who I was back then, I scarcely recognise her. Time flies by, life happens and challenges have their purpose... mine  drove me to do more things of a different nature than I had ever done before. That time has passed, that was then, this is now.

While you have been reading, you have probably been distracted by your own thoughts about time how fast or slow it goes for you...and about parts of you that no longer recognise.


 
Take a moment to reflect...your heart and mind have probably given you very clear words, pictures or feelings about how your time has flown and how it has created change in your life. 


It would be fabulous if you felt inclined to share some of those thoughts. I love to know you have been here...and we all love to hear others personal stories.


Saturday 27 July 2013

Simple Radical Self Care - Step1.





 
What? There is more than one step you say?  And with confidence I say YES! 


And it's WHAT?...... Self dating!


Now I know step and self dating could be defined in many ways... as an aside...cute image huh? We will come back to that.


Now we all know the story about every journey no matter how long starts with the first step.




The step before the first step is acknowledging and being prepared to do something about it.  I am taking that as a given! And I did not say it was easy.

Many of us fear change or something different. We cling to what is or was...and in that space our self care can dissipate at the speed of light leaving us feeling alone, vulnerable and wondering what to do next.  Just for fun try writing to 'change' and inviting it to be your friend. 





 Dear Change,


I have previously been afraid of you. You were not welcome in my home and life, and I spoke badly of you behind your back.

I resisted you, avoided you &  made fun of you.

I want to change our relationship. I want to learn to cultivate and respect you, dance with you and take you out to dinner.

Let’s explore together.  Will you be my everlasting friend?
 

The step I am talking about is self - dating.  It starts with the basis of self care and only when you learn to love and appreciate yourself can you project that care and love out to others.

Julia Cameron in her book The Artists Way, calls it the 'artists date'  where you are opening yourself to insight, inspiration and guidance.  It is a block of time about 2 hours you set aside each week committed to nurturing your creative consciousness.  You need to be taken out, pampered and listened to joyfully.

Ok then you find that you have made the commitment...now watch your killjoy proper self try and wriggle out. Watch how this sacred time gets encroached upon or includes a third party. STOP IT! Noooooo this time is for you. That could be resistance as a fear of intimacy - self-intimacy.

Sark the American author of Succulent Wild Women calls it 'outrageous adventures' and in part discusses traveling alone. Without using the word she utilises all the senses and says the challenges include being sacred, finding delight in being all alone, relying on yourself, whether you are close or far away from home. She urges you  stretch your 'love being alone muscle' and to fill your life with tiny and large adventurous moments.

Now neither of those may appeal to you.  It does not matter 'what' you do...only that you hold that time sacred and that you nurture yourself. It may be a walk on the beach, strolling through craft shops, having a massage, enjoying a coffee or absorbing the atmosphere in a book shop.

You may like to take up a new interest like dancing.... the image could be a wee bit extreme for some. Pole dancing may have been your thing in youth, it does not have quite the same effect on a walking sick. Yet...isn't the look on her face just priceless!

 



Or heaven forbid - exercise...I think this image was just made for me!  I am simply lucky I have naturally tall slim genes.








My exercise took the form of belly dancing in a very casual way. Now call it age...but in my mind it looks like this... consider yourself fortunate that there are no real time photos... ohh the imagination is a very powerful tool! 






Smiles aside...Whatever you choose, I urge you to 'self date', offer yourself that gift. If it is new for you realise there may be resistance and emotions may rise for you to deal with...remember you are doing it for your own radical self care.

 Self dating is part of my Confidence package if you would like to check it out slip over to

Or maybe you are already a dedicated self - dater...if so I would love you to share your experience, I know other readers would be delighted to hear.   






















The step I am talking about is self - dating.  It starts with the basis of self care and only when you learn to love and appreciate yourself can you project that care and love out to others.

Julia Cameron in her book The Artists Way, calls it the 'artists date'  where you are opening yourself to insight, inspiration and guidance.  It is a block of time about 2 hours you set aside each week committed to nurturing your creative consciousness.  You need to be taken out, pampered and listened to joyfully.

Ok then you find that you have made the commitment...now watch your killjoy proper self try and wriggle out. Watch how this sacred time gets encroached upon or includes a third party. STOP! Noooooo this time is for you. That could be resistance as a fear of intimacy - self-intimacy.

Sark the American author of Succulent Wild Women calls it 'outrageous adventures' and in part discusses traveling alone. Without using the word she utilises all the senses and says the challenges include being sacred, finding delight in being all alone, relying on yourself, whether you are close or far away from home. She urges you  stretch your 'love being alone muscle' and to fill your life with tiny and large adventurous moments.

Now neither of those may appeal to you.  It does not matter 'what' you do...only that you hold that time sacred and that you nurture yourself. It may be a walk on the beach, strolling through craft shops, having a massage, enjoying a coffee or absorbing the atmosphere in a book shop.

You may like to take up a new interest like dancing.... the image could be a wee bit extreme for some. Pole dancing may have been your thing in youth, it does not have quite the same effect on a walking sick. And...isn't the look on her face just priceless!

Or heaven forbid - exercise...I think this image was just made for me!  I am simply lucky I have naturally tall slim genes.
 

Wednesday 24 July 2013

Prince George, The Royal Baby...and A Polka Dot Dress.



  To sum it up...The interest and excitement of a royal birth, a future King,  a keenness for happy news  and the openness of the proud parents as they showed off their new baby.There is no mistaking the joy on a new mum's face.  


And...the level of confidence shining from the faces of these to beautiful new parents



Family traditions run deep...and I suspect deeper still within the royal family.
Was it a deliberate act for Kate the Duchess of Cambridge to wear a polka dot dress when showing her beautiful baby swaddled in identical white blankets to the world? Or was it a coincidence?




Maybe it has become part of their family tradition. Maybe it was a show of respect for her late mother in law Princess Diana. Just take a moment to take a look at the radiant faces of the respective Mum's...a look similar to any new mum supremely proud of their new baby.






It would seem that Prince Charles is the odd one out, looking very stiff, uncomfortable and formal.   
While I don't believe we can put today's values on yesterday's actions, Prince Charles looks as I just said formal and uncomfortable. is that a reflection of his own upbringing? Prince William in a regular shirt, sleeves rolled up, his arm casually around his wife and they both look so relaxed.  


Choosing George Alexander Louis is likely to have been as a nod to Queen Elizabeth II’s father George VI, who led England during World War I. Alexandra is the Queen’s middle name.




Four thoughts spring to mind for me -

First, the joy of having a  new baby in any family is almost beyond words, it is an amazing experience one that flows through your mind, body and spirit. What a privilege to be part of shaping a beautiful new life. How I remember with joy the birth of my son and my grandchildren. 



Second, the calm confidence exuding from these two beautiful new parents. I certainly don't remember calm as being part of my state 24 hours after giving birth. In fact confidence wasn't high on the list either. What I remember was the sudden realisation I (OK we, Les did have a hand in it) now had the responsibility for this precious tiny human...if you call 8lb 12 ozs tiny....and noooooooooooooo I was far from confident!
 

Thirdly...I got thinking back forty years to my son's birth...and I had a polka dot dress. I had completely forgotten about it until I saw the photo above. There are no photos... I would not allow any to be taken... I thought I was fat...I was... I was pregnant!  Silly me...the things that concern us in our youth.


Last... as I was driving yesterday morning and listening to the radio a female announcer says 'How can Kate look so good less than 24 hours after giving birth. I know she can't help being gorgeous...but is she doing other women any favours?  I suspect she had a teensy little bit of help!

What springs to mind for you? I love to hear your thoughts...and to know you have been here...enjoy your day and simply...be happy!





Sunday 21 July 2013

3 Questions To Ask Yourself When You are Tempted To Say... Yes!





 

Have you ever found yourself saying yes...when you wanted to say no? You find your confidence flies out the window, you squirm and out comes yes! 


You know what is coming next...Then you say. why, why did I say yes, I don't want to do it, it does not suit me, I promised myself next time (insert your x,y,z) happened I would be strong and confident and say no!


You too huh? 


  
I had started writing this blog post on Friday just before a client arrived. Almost word for word below is what was happening in her life right now!  She was blown away that I had nailed exactly what she was going through.

I am often asked this question of 'why do I say yes when I want to say no'... by clients... and I respond with 3 of my own. 

Do you think that saying yes will make people like you?
Then do you ‘beat yourself up’ and feel resentful even angry?
And...how much has that cost you emotionally, physically and financially?



Do we think people will like us if we say yes? 
Yes...we do! That is why we do it! It warms our little heart to feel needed, to hang onto a friend, a job or relationship? Commonly called 'people pleasing' we mistakenly do think people will 'like' us if we always say yes.

Then do you ''beat yourself up' and feel resentful even angry?
Yes, sometimes you open your mouth to say 'yes' and 'no' comes out.  When you do,  it leaves you feeling used, resentful, made a convenience of and feel you and your time are not being valued. Then you get angry first at the other person then at yourself. many of us have become so good at 'beating ourselves up' we have turned it into an art form!

And now the biggie - 
How much has that cost you emotionally, physically and financially?
Is your answer lots? Maybe right now...you have not considered the cost to you...you have probably been too busy switching between people pleasing and beating yourself up!

Emotionally - the resentment and anger eat away at you, you lose your sparkle, feel you are at everyone's beck and call. That drain can slip off into anxiety, lack of confidence in you and your ability ( a biggie when you are constantly asked to do the 'what everyone else does not want to do' sort of things). This can start the spiral of lack of self worth and  lack of self esteem. You feel you are not being valued.

Physically - because you are now feeling beaten down you tend to shrink, withdraw, shut down so one will see you are hurt. The emotional cost becomes a physical one, your body will tell you...but and are you listening? Your breathing becomes shallow, you slink around and doubt your value. You may be plagued by physical ailments from simple to serious even spiral into depression.

Financially - this covers many points, if you are not happy and well then  it is reflected in every part of your life including your work. That may affect your performance, your attention and concentration and even getting a promotion. The cost includes medical bills, loss of work and negative effects on a relationship. 


 




Eeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, let's not slip off into victim land....I understand deeply how this can happen, you are not alone. And yes... it happened to me to!











Three things you can do:

 
1. Recognise that this is what you are doing and make a decision to do something about it. Acknowledge that you can say ‘no’ – it is just a two letter word.


2. Start today saying no to little things The first time you muster the courage to say ‘no’ it can raise the fear factors of ‘I can’t do this’ or worse ‘what if they hate me’ or ‘what if my mouth goes dry?’ The next thing, that budding confidence has wilted and you know you have talked yourself into saying ‘yes’ again and you repeat your negative cycle.  That is your fear factor rising, so start small and acknowledge your successes. 



3. Seek some support - to develop your confidence and self belief. Confidence coaching is a great place to start. No, it is not abut shouting from the roof tops about how good you are, rather to develop that inner calm, knowing confidence in who you are and what you offer. To develop the habit of saying no when you need to and being OK with it.  And bring some lightness and laughter back into your life.

I have helped many people over the years to learn how to say ‘no’ and they have found a level of confidence, self esteem and self respect that they had only dreamed about. I help take away that overwhelm so You then make the best decision for you. – say and mean that things are going to be different and you can say  confidently to yourself  ‘I can do this’, I can say No!

 

 
If I could help you take away that overwhelm...and feel confident in saying no... what would that be worth to you? You make like to take a peek at http://diriddell.com/confidence-coaching-2/ and see what is on offer.


As always I love to know you have been, so do ... leave a comment or share if you see value in the content. I would love to hear your experiences...



Monday 15 July 2013

I Wanna Be A Wallaby...At The Keanealy's





I am still in relaxation mode after being away for a long weekend with my niece and her family... and... being totally relaxed...it is amazing how that allows my mind to  wander off and creative little  ideas just pop up.

The family live on acreage at the foot of the Toowoomba range, high-ish up, lots of natural area around the cleared house block, all beautifully terraced with amazing gardens.

The wallaby's have a picnic  nibbling...snapping...scratching...devouring everything that is new - new trees, new growth, newly mulched. It is all obviously delicious in wallaby world.

 
 

As I sat there I started to consider the wallabies story. I have heard the human side on many an occasion. While my brain stimulation is occurring...across the lawn hops a wallaby with a joey...getting him in training early for the delights available at the 'K' smorgasbord no doubt.  





I 'tune in' to their chattering...and hear Mummy telling joey his bedtime story...once upon a time there were all trees here...none of these strange two legged people. Mummy Wallaby and Daddy Wallaby had to forage really hard for food, it was so difficult in our day...as a young joey today you have it so much easier.  The end...

With Joey safely snoozing...Mummy and Daddy wallaby relaxing with a grass stick and a glass of eucalyptus juice...to chat about their day. I think it might go something like this....

Aren't we lucky? Just a few short years ago we had such a struggle surviving here...and then along came the K's . Now we have a smorgasbord to choose from...did you see those succulent plants up the back...only planted yesterday...I think an afternoon feast there tomorrow would be great.

And they are so thoughtful, they ensure we have exercise and keep our muscles taut and terrific...they put this wire round plants and stake it down...it definitely gives us a tone up scratching that out and setting it tumbling it down the hill.

 
Ohhh and that bush we nibbled to ground level last week...it has new shoots, the dew on the new leaves caught my eye this morning...can't wait to hop down there this afternoon. And did you see that Mr K mulched the top terrace...what fun it is scratching it all out from round the tree so we can lie and roll in the bare earth in the dappled sunlight. 



Down the back that lovely vegetable garden, so much variety...things we have never tasted before. And when we nibble it all out... we hear her muttering and then she plants some more...how good can it get?





And if we don't get what we want we just pop up the back door and presto...attention!  They don't a;ways seem pleased to see us do they?







Ok, coming back to reality...how often in life is there another angle, another side to the 'story' or information you did not have? The K's and the wallabies each have a case from their own perspective...  where has this happened in your life...have you jumped...opps hopped to your conclusion before knowing there was another side?

I would love to know your experience. Speaking for me I could probably rival  something greater than 'War and Peace'...

And...I still wanna be a wallaby at the K's...what a life!!!!  Enjoy your day.




Thursday 11 July 2013

Get out the way... got important owl shit to do.




'Get out the way... got important owl shit to do'. I said with confidence...as I strode past head down... bum up....

Well Ok I did not exactly use that phrase...but the words sum me up beautifully. When I saw it... I had a giggle it is so me!


Is it only me or have you to been told you are too 'task orientated'? Yes when I am busy I tend  to be abrupt and have a 'get on with' attitude. Don't get in my way...you are likely to get trampled. Those statements were me for many years. I had boundless energy, my catch phrase was 'let's get organised' and 'start massive action'.

In my maturity I have mellowed, and that is a relief to me, everyone around me especially the family and the Universe. I even had a crack at being Master of the Universe for many years.

Seeing this phrase got me thinking...where did it come from? My Dad initially, and nursing in the 60's simply honed those skills the enth degree.    

My childhood was difficult and littered with serious challenges. When my Dad said do something...you jumped and did it pronto... preferably you pre-guessed and did it half an hour ago. True I was motivated by fear, not desire. That started  my 'organising gene' as I would try and prevent trouble by 'doing in advance' and having a contingency plan for when I guessed incorrectly.

Going off nursing I thought would be a walk in the park after my Dad...then I discovered he was a light weight compared to The Matron! She was seriously scary! My pre-empting, planning, organising and doing... became legendry...equalled only by my uncanny ability to get into trouble. Officious and efficient would come close to describing me. Nursing stories are not one liners so they are stories for another day.

That task orientation, no nonsense approach was often misconstrued as severe, intimidating even...when I was simply doing what I needed to do. And those disciplines so firmly entrenched stood me in good stead for life challenges that ranged from the miniscule to the monumental in the ensuing years

Going back nursing after a 15 year break, the task orientation which served me well in the past was now frowned upon! The nursing profession had changed in that time and head down, bum up was not the way to do things now...I was forever being told in my appraisals.

When I met my husband...he used to say he was doing the nursing profession a favour by marrying me and taking me out of the system. Even marrying becoming a corporate wife, having his four teenagers living with us, and a year later a baby still did not consume my energy. I believe I heard him mutter at times ' I should have left her there!'  

Despite that we had a fabulous relationship, met out highs and lows in creative  ways and came out the stronger....my 'get out the way... got important owl business to do' gene all but disappeared after his death in 2002.

I am pleased to say I got it back in a modified version, today I am likely to pop you gently aside and move past with a smile rather than create mini cyclonic conditions as I went about my important owl shit.  And yes  my confidence today is a quiet knowing confidence, it just is!



Are you...or have you been too task orientated? 

Your turn...How do you respond when you have 'important owl shit to do"?  I do love to hear from you and hear your experiences.




Monday 8 July 2013

Backing Up...if I cant' see it... it is not there!




Last weekend I spent with family including my 2 young granddaughters, Pippa the almost 2 had not seen me for a while and she was a little reticent about coming to me despite the exuberance expressed by her 6 year old sister Amy. 





And the dance began....sitting with her back to me on the lounge, she inched closer, not once looking round. 'If I can't see her she isn't there,' scenario 1. She moved back and forth many times, each time edging a little closer with an occasional glance round (just to see if the one who wasn't there was paying attention) eventually coming up against my leg.  Still no recognition...'I might have felt it, but I can't see her so she isn't there,' scenario 2.





Pippa continued paying extreme attention to her toy, that means just looking at it.  'If I concentrate totally on what I have, I don't have to acknowledge her yet,' scenario 3.

The next move involved her starting to chatter and take slight notice...'well I never... she is there, I never noticed her before' scenario 4. And finally she turns on the charm...'ahhh I just remembered she brings treats, maybe she is Ok after all, I wonder what she has got today,' scenario 5.

Now where am I going with this? Rather like the elephant in the room, we often tip toe around  pretending something is not there. Is there somewhere in your life that you something similar?


  •   Do you back up to things you don't want to do? Translated...if I ignore it, it will go away...maybe it is not there after all.

  •  You get closer to the problem and hit a wall. Translated...the time has come - but I still have not seen it maybe there is an outside chance it will still go away

  •  If I focus on the insignificant, I look just too busy to do 'that thing'. Translated... I know I should be doing that 'thing', but I am just soo busy with the little and familiar things, I just don't have the time for it.

  •  Start chattering about the inconsequential... now if I engage everyone with 'light and fluffy' that will take the heat off me and I can ignore it for a little while longer.

  •   A realisation that there is something enjoyable I am missing, I am missing out on goodies...translated when you make a decision, address the problem and take those first steps...amazing things start to happen.

Yes, Pippa became her bubbly little self, full of mischief, charmed me,  teased her long suffering sister and they both got their treats! Of course that's what Grannie Di is for!  
 
Does any of this ring true for you?  Can you see yourself 'doing this dance' somewhere in your life?  And what 'gems' did you discover on stepping up!

Is this relevant to me?...You betcha!   I would love to hear your experience...are you game to share?

Friday 5 July 2013

Does size matter? You betcha she says confidently!




On a lighter note tonight...I am feeling frivolous...and a blog post just caught my eye! And it got me thinking how carried away we can get at different stages in life about 'stuff'.

The post concerned  a lady with oversize boobs and her dilemmas....from bra shopping (no special shopping at target or a lingerie shop for lacy tid-bits and triangles for her!!! To jogging (the mind boggles wearing 2 bras and crop top before movement occurs)! And in general the of buying suitable clothes like when they get the top fitting nicely, the bottoms are like 'elephant retreating into the jungle', 'complete with wrinkles' size .  


 And I thought I had problems in the under-sized variety.  Yes, I am tall and slim, yes I have big feet...it amazes me when someone tells me so...why? I already know they are big! I have lived with them my whole life. I also know I was behind the door the day boos were distributed...but I scooted to top of the line when legs came out...can't win them all I say! And I can most styles with ease...well it is just straight up and down really!

Looking back, I had a friend many years ago who when I lamented very loudly (and I used to)...that if I did not have a mouth you would not know the front from the back of me... he would tap my back in the upper shoulders area then tap my front collar bone and say 'Just keep talking Di'.

I changed my tune when I went to an International Convention with three other women, all 'very well endowed' women is I believe the polite expression. All I can say is there was never any confusion about whose bra was mine in the bathroom....

Just setting the scene....Our fabulous hotel in Washington DC was set quite a distance from the road, then a six lane highway and an office block beyond that....get the picture it was a long, long way back.

With four of us in the room it was rather open slather when getting dressed for functions...it seemed more acute in the evenings...one such evening the bathroom was busy and I had had my shower then changed my mind about what to wear (still a regular occurrence) and that then required a change of  bra... they were horrified when I stripped off in front of the window with the curtains open. It was the only available space apart from hanging from the light fittings.

'What is someone sees you' they chorused...all I could think was if  this 'someone' had x-ray vision and one fantastic set of binoculars and...was keen enough to still be at work at 7pm on a Friday night.. then good luck to him.

 In reality - how often have we allowed what society or what someone has/has not got in physical terms to affect us in younger years...it now astounds me. I am truly grateful to be healthy, upright and active.

Perhaps that is when my inner work began....ohh my goodness what a fabulous, fantastic journey it has been, what an amazing life I have led. And you....does that apply  you to? We are a sum of our experiences and reactions. It is up- to us how we grow or not from any experience.

I am pleased to conclude with ... Does size matter? You betcha she says confidently! By size I mean what size has your contribution been to those around you? What size will be the difference you make in your world? What size is your sense of humour? 



Let your fun factor flow fabulously...enjoy who and what you are...and for tonight...just one image. Uummm ...I am having a challenge finding one on the grounds of suitability...goodness me have I gone coy? Never!!!!!

If you enjoyed this post feel free to share it...let some light and laughter slip through your weekend...cheers till next time...