Thursday, 23 May 2013 it a woman's sexist attribute?

'I totally agree that Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have! says Steve Liddy, a Facebook friend and coach. 
 Yes... words straight from a male... and they support my thoughts exactly.

Now girls before you get all excited and think I am exploiting boobs and butts....please read on!
Steve's gem continues 'Confidence however should not to be confused with vanity, self centeredness or arrogance. It requires a good level of emotional intelligence to have a healthy ego that feeds a sexy attitude.'

My feelings are that confidence in your being the 'woman you become' takes a level of age, attitude and mindset. get on my bandwagon...I think mature women are sensual rather than sexy...however for today I am happy to bundle them together. How do I differentiate?   I think sexy is out there, in your face, obvious and yes, all about sex! Sensual incorporates all the senses, it is how you think, act, talk, walk and connect. It may or may not lead to sex.

When a woman combines her sensual/sexy self with confidence it is powerful.

Yet what is confidence? It is a living growing attribute...that extraordinary energy in you that is attractive, strong, vibrant and engaging. You know it when you see it…have you ever looked at a quietly confident woman and thought to yourself ‘I want some of what she’s got?”
Steve's comment confidence 'should not to be confused with vanity, self centeredness or arrogance' got me on my next hobby horse...

Many times I have noticed women gaining confidence which initially flips into arrogance. I speak from personal experience here...eons ago when I was training to become a nurse...yes in the late 60's..discipline was the order of the day.  I believe that bred in nurses the attitude of "I will give back what I got' I did.

It was my first shift as a senior nurse - in an aged persons ward...and I was so, so excited. The perceived  'power' of being boss for the evening went right to my head. In brief, my junior came and asked what to do with the patients after that had had dinner. My haughty reply was 'we clean their teeth and put them to bed'...and off I went feeling very important.

She came up to me later saying 'I have done that'...and proudly showed me a sponge bowl with 30 pair of teeth floating in it!  Uummmm after I said 'goodness gracious me' ...we had one hell of an evening finding whose teeth belonged to case you have not noticed old folks teeth don't fit so size was not a guide....I think you get the picture...

The learning...there is always a learning! If I had used the confidence gained through training and guided her ( even though I thought she was not the brightest star in the sky)...and not been in my bubble of self important would never have happened. 

Where was my emotional intelligence...or any other intelligence that night? Sometimes it takes a little 'experience' in life like mine to deliver a touch of reality. 

Think back for a moment...was there a time when you allowed your confidence to slip over to arrogance?

So confidence is not about shouting from the rooftops about how good you are, it is not about putting others down, it is not about is all about  that invisible attitude, that extraordinary energy that can add a sparkle to every part of your life. A confident woman knows who she is, her worth and her value, what she is about, what she will and won't accept.  You look at her and just know...

It is all about how do you walk, talk, connect and think? Steve calls it a 'healthy ego that feeds a sexy attitude.'  I can't think of better words to use.

And my heart felt thanks to Steve for being my reality check this morning....

Each of you will have your stories of confidence, maybe arrogance...maybe in thinking about are blushing and cringing.... it is never too late is my observation in my coaching women around confidence. if you would like to chat about your confidence contact through

I would love you to share your thoughts and stories on how you perceive confidence?

And...yes, it is always great to know you have been here...


  1. Thank you for this, Di. I have met women who were very confident and arrogant in their confidence at the same time. They do not care about the last, but to be confident they choose to be arrogant, unfortunately. Then it is up to others how to deal with their arrogance. It is also true that such relationships do not build confidence. As a consequence, there is no creation, but destruction.

    1. Thanks for you comments, I find arrogance has a 'way of bringing you back to earth' in my nursing story. I take your point about relationships and destruction in regards to arrogance.

      I have also found low self esteem can be behind the bravado of arrogance. Cheers Di