Ok, Ok, Ok, I have said it out loud… my shoes are size 10 and I am 5.10 tall (in old measurements). I know I am tall, I know I have big feet…and I don’t need anyone to tell me… I have lived with them all my life! Yet many persist in telling me, especially men I have dated!
Oohhh how I often longed as a child to be dainty, to have small feet and be petite! As a teenager I bemoaned that fact I was 5.10, wore size 10 shoes, had long legs, thought I was gangly, straight up and down like bean pole and about as skinny as one. I think it sad that so many young girls, like I did fail to see their beauty unfolding and blossoming. How easy it is for many of us to see what we don’t have! To slink back to baby booties instead of stepping out in our stilettos!
It took me years to appreciate my height, slimness and my ability to be me in all my power. I grew into it and I continue to change and develop even now, more so actually. I have even learned to be kind to myself. In the ten years I have been on my own… sensational, amazing and fantastic things have and continue to happen to me! OMG how scary… what if my shoes got bigger! That is enough to send me scurrying for a wine at 10am! Ok, Ok…my breathing is back under control, no need for a wine!
True I had a less than salubrious childhood and teenage years that certainly did not create a basis for self worth, self belief or self confidence. Then off I went nursing in the ‘60’s and support, understanding and encouragement were not part of the nurse’s curriculum in those days either.
The words I remember that ring in my ears are ‘NURSE MALLET DOWN IN MY OFFICE IN 10 MINS’ Matron would bellow as she stormed through the ward. I can assure you it was not to celebrate pleasantries or to have a cup of tea with her! Why does that ring in my ears? Probably because it happened at least twice a week for four years!
Yet there was a wildness, something untameable within me…hidden so deeply…I knew there was more, I just did not know how to release and express it! Life experiences up to that point had had little positivity in them for me and I could not see how that could change.
I was not acting my shoes size but reacting to life, thinking I was protecting myself…yet in fact drawing every negative situation possible to me. ..Oh dear I will almost need a bib with the booties if I don’t move on!!!
Have you ever been there?
Have you ever been soo good at putting yourself down and not acknowledging your successes?
‘Act you shoe size’… grabbed my attention…just for a little exercise…and because I love participation…I am inviting you to play for a moment…do you have a relic from childhood, a shoe relic that is? One you could sit and talk to …about what you were like then…maybe baby booties, maybe you simply have a photo…sit and think back to the freedom, openness and frankness you had as a child that was so often stifled. Take the time to acknowledge that you acted in a certain way then that served you. Now bring yourself back to the present…and ask… am I acting my shoe size?
If not…maybe you are acting out of habit in ways that don’t support you today. Lovingly let go of those that habits and actions that don’t support you any longer. As you answer those questions you open yourself to possibilities.
Did you to just know there was there wildness to you?
Did you have the freedom to be you when you were little?
For those who did what a blessing to experience a magical childhood!
For those who didn’t …I invite you to go back, to look, play with your memories...and see what you can create in your mature years…
And….girl friends to the rescue! They say girlfriends outlive husbands make sure you choose good ones. I am definitely blessed in my girl- friendships.
In those challenging training days of nursing…we would gather and sit on someone’s bed and plan and plot away...our wildness apparent, our bravery amazing…while we were secreted in the safety of the nurse’s home.
In reality and seriously for a moment, my girlfriends have sustained me through incredible highs and lows. We have shared our challenges ranging from the miniscule to the monumental and shared joys from snippets to sensational.
Act you shoe size…whatever you loved doing as a kid or any time…keep doing it!
You were wild once…don’t let them tame you…step out and be the exquisite you...away from booties to stilettos! I dare you!
And girlfriends…choose well...they will outlive your husbands!