Saturday, 30 March 2013

Talking to self…would that be expert advice?

It depends what you say…. 

Now it is time for me to follow the advice and encouragement I provide for clients…to show I can walk my talk. 

It has been a couple of weeks since I posted, the sudden death of my daughter…even though I was not her birth mother has rocked me. What a privilege as part of the process to deliver Kathy’s eulogy…I would say it was the most difficult presentation I have ever delivered. 

I am sharing part of that here now…

 Today, as I reflect, I can’t help but be overcome by the inner beauty Kathy had and the amazing impact she had on everyone whose life she touched. My feelings and emotions are raw, painful and come straight from my heart.

With any sudden death there comes that feeling of it being incredulous…
·    That can’t be true this is just a dream…you say!
       I will wake soon and it will be gone… you say!
      And…then you realise it is true… in fact it is reality!

Yet Kathy would not want us to be sad, her beautiful soul will always be there. She would want only the best for David, Stuart, Bec and was what she always wanted. Let’s not be sad because she has gone but be happy because she was here…

Who was Kath?… i invite you to come and share a snapshot with me!  The American author Sark says ‘Today we can all choose to spin a little silk and let it grease everything we touch’. Kath spun her threads of silk and  wove them throughout her fanfare, no limelight, the quiet achiever,  supporter and cheer squad…the one who lived and expressed unconditional love…yet she was so humble.

The common thread…whatever was happening Kathy was right in there helping. Her inherent kindness, sense of love and compassion was evident right from when I first met her when she was 13.

The greatest horror for me was going clothes shopping with Kath as a teenager…she was short of stature, that did not change…and boobs like you would not believe…. Very difficult to fit and buy for…there was me 6 foot tall (well almost), slim, a clothes peg… and if I were not talking… difficult to tell the front the from the back…that has not changed either…I was soo soo envious!!!!

She was…and remained… the apple of Les…her Dad’s eye. He was so proud of his daughter and the beautiful woman she became. They are now re-united in heaven…at peace and in no pain.

No, I did not have the privilege of knowing Kath when she was a toddler. I however had many moments of pleasure in the years after.  What challenges we had, what triumphs we shared, love, light and laughter…tears, spirited discussions, mishaps and all families.  Challenges ranging from the miniscule to the monumental!

And …that common thread… the silk thread was always Kathy’s warmth, love and compassion.

As the children grew up we spent many weekends having picnics at the beach with a little fishing thrown in. Les and the four kids were all keen on fishing. For me…I think fish is sensational when it’s on the plate, don’t bother me with the smelly details…Kath would be in there digging bait, handling the smelly stuff, catching, cleaning…leaving only the filleting to her Dad.

After leaving school Kathy started nursing at the Mackay Mater, and soon after Les and I moved to Wallaville…Kathy followed us and commenced work at the Bundaberg General, a year later we returned to Mackay minus Kath...she was ready to live her own life.

During that year we lived in Wallaville the movie the Exorcist was released. Les, I and another couple went, the same night Kath and her friends went…as a teenager she would NOT have been seen sitting with us…..very un-cool!

The ‘un-cool’ dissolved during the movie and she came to sit not ‘with’ but ‘between’ us. She did not go home with her friends either she came home with us! Meanwhile at home the boys were babysitting Peter, 2 years of age and he had been sick during the evening…

We lived in a typical old Queenslander on stumps with the laundry downstairs.  Neither Kath nor I were feeling brave…so she, armed with a torch and a hammer, guarded and watched over me while I did the washing… I am not sure what we expected to happen…but contrary to popular opinion we survived! And…I might add she slept on the floor of our room that night.

‘Bravery’ is probably taking liberty with the truth…if I were to use it as a description for our actions on that night…but we did it together!

She lived the life of most nurses and had a great life. Somewhere in there she even learned to play pool…and she got good at it! When the children were in their early teens, she took them on… and beat them…much to their surprise… amid howls of ‘where did you learn to play pool Mum?

Oops back to the story…And then she met David and that is his story to tell. However he does say that he saw Kathy at a party...and just knew he would marry her.  What an amazing couple they made and Les and I were so proud when they married in 1981.  

What a beautiful bride Kath was…what a magnificent woman and what a fabulous Mum she became. The photos and the power point slides bore testament to that …and as the family looked through photos over the past few days choosing our selection…there is scarcely one of Kathy without her demonstrating her love and protection of her children.

 How does it go????...behind every man is a ….wonder woman! Oops we are talking about David…What an amazing man, husband and Dad he is. His quiet strength, his ‘get on with it’ attitude to life , meet your challenges head on…his love and devotion for Kathy evident…she was his ‘best mate’ as well as his ‘cherished wife’.  

The children, my grandchildren are now growing into maturity, in relationships and creating their lives… all very different and special.  Kath was so proud of them.  How fabulous to see Bec, mature into a sensational modern woman…another beautiful soul yet so different to her Mum.

Kathy and David had something special, magical and lasting for 31 short years. At 30 years they had a re-commitment ceremony and to use Bec’s words ‘no couple could have been more in love, Mum was so happy’ and David’s words were ‘our relationship went to another level’.

Now are we talking and sharing about… St Kathy and St David here…I love them both dearly... but I do stop just short of sainthood!

A more down to earth, practical and loving couple as you would ever find. They too have had challenges ranging from the miniscule to the monumental…when a couple grow past their challenges, the relationship grows stronger… as Kath and David’s did…their faith and their family sustained and supported them along the way. In a nutshell…they walk their talk!

Kathy was not one for the limelight or fanfare, she was the quiet achiever…. 

When a woman steps into womanhood her energy is magnetic and her sense of possibility is contagious…so full of integrity and joy …overflowing with love – Kath to a T. As a mature woman she held the light heartedness of youth and balanced that with a depth gained from her life’s challenges leading her to wisdom.

She entertained no negativity, her positive attitude and her encouragement to the children were an innate part of her. Kath lived those values throughout her life…she saw only the good, she was always supporting others and never did a days harm to anyone or anything. Flipping a negative to a positive was her forte and speciality!

The support shown from the community in a few days I have been here show the high regard in which Kath was held. I always knew she was special, her family knew she was special…her community is expressing that today.

Kath sustained me through many dark moments especially since her Dad went to heaven 10 years ago...she was there for me to … on so many levels. Last week Kathy and I spoke on the phone for two hours, about life, family, the future and everything in between. That conversation now holds a special place in my heart.             

Today we can all choose to spin a little silk and let it grease everything we touch…I invite you think for a moment about how Kath spun a silken thread as she touched your life. 

In celebrating your life Kath, I express my love for you… you were such a special person, an earth angel…she loved butterflies you know…a symbol of transformation…Kath you made such a difference and created transformation in your world, your family and me. 

Sometimes we don’t know what to say when someone is grieving…these words say it perfectly for me... 

As I step back into my life I to reflect on Sark’s words Today we can all choose to spin a little silk and let it grease everything we touch’. 

My strength is returning, my mind is clearing, and I am beginning to be able to concentrate…it is Ok to be vulnerable…I don’t need someone to fix me.

.  My ‘wise self talk’ or ‘expert advice’ for today…I can choose to spin a little silk and let it grease everything I touch.....and you may even like to borrow it …

 From my heart to your heart, whatever you are going though today…know there is always someone, somewhere who cares. Hugs, blessings and love the life you are living…and remember to tell your loved ones …that you love them! 


  1. This was a beautiful eulogy and how lucky you both were to know one another.

    1. Thanks Maureen,

      Kath was indeed a special person..her loss will be with me for a long time. And I am so impressed how her daughter Bec is doing she is am amazing young woman...very different to her Mum but still special.

      With love Di

  2. beautiful words Di... you are a gift! And thank you for having the courage to share.

    1. Thank you Lisa,

      The courage to share here is smaller than my personal story now I think about it...delivering the eulogy was what took the courage. It is amazing what we can do...maybe it is realising our true worth as a woman.

      And having other wonderful women acknowledge that.

      I am privileged to have such amazing women in my life.

      In gratitude Di

  3. My thoughts have been with you many times in the last couple of weeks. My heart has too. I'm sorry you have had to go through this, as I know it hurts, but thank you for sharing your heart with us Di. Be comforted. Be blessed. xxx

    1. Thanks Krishna,

      I feel when we are open and share it allows others who are going through a loss to realise they are not alone...and to know it is OK to be vulnerable.

      Blessed is how I feel from the support expressed by friends from everywhere.

      In gracious gratitude Di

  4. Hello Di
    What a wonderful way to farewell Kathy.

    1. Thank you Denise,

      What a beautiful card and message from you when I finally returned home. I soo so look forward to your being back later in the month and spending some time with you.

      How incredibly special friends are...

      Love and hugs Di

  5. Beautiful Di. So heartfelt, and uplifting.



    1. Hi Glenda,

      I have sent a private message on facebook and thanks beautiful lady. Cheers Di

  6. Too many losses...yet your strength shines through Di.

    1. Thanks Pat that is a lovely thing to say...I can't quite see my strength right now...Cheers Di

  7. Well Di I may not be a mature woman .... Um I don't think I am.... anyway I believe you work towards a goal every day this day it was giving this very moving Eulogy I think you succeeded in that goal tomorrow it may be starting to recover. If I could offer one saying I often give to people in their Greif , as you know I worked in a funeral parlour for some time, "As they pass and we say goodbye they leave hearing voices of friends and relatives who have gone before calling "welcome we have been waiting for you" we let them pass with the knowledge that they do not pass alone! Sorry this is starting to be my blog!!

  8. UUmmm nooooooooooooo I don't think you are a mature woman either Tony!

    Yes today I am in recovery and getting better every day.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts...

    OOhhhhhhhhhh. is blogging your next challenge?

    Cheers Di