Saturday, 8 June 2013

Seductive, Confident, Knowing...the allure of the older woman.

Seductive, confident and knowing providing the allure behind mature women, the title and the subject, ... had novelist Howard Jacobsen enthralled... for me...I was interested in his opinion seeing as I am one...mature woman of course.  

I popped the link here for those who may like to go in to the nitty gritty...ok the detail....and see how his views stack up.

 And what wonderful role models - Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep.

His clever use of questions...and yes...ask better questions if you want better answers had me considering. For example:

At what age does a girl become a woman?
And what does the change from one to another imply? 
I love the word 'woman'. I love forming it. You have to round your lips to pronounce it and lower your voice. 'Woman.' The sound lingers long and aromatically in your mouth, whereas 'girl' is effortless and throwaway. You barely notice you have said it.

Try forming your lips around the word woman now...then try it with girl. Surprising? Have you ever tried it before?  No...I hadn't either. Now it can be  a  part of your 'older woman's knowing' for your judicious use at the right moment. 
It isn't only because it lacks a syllable that 'Girl'  misses the boat. There simply isn't enough history in 'girl', not enough recollection of love and heartbreak. 
Great point... it is the history of love and heartbreak that create the 'woman' we become.  We are all the women we are today, because of our life experience...and not just because of what has happened to us...rather how we have handled our experiences  and how we are now choosing to live our lives as a result. Another facet to the allure of a mature woman. 


'Make a mirthful virtue of what age has done to you, as Meryl Streep does in It's Complicated, and you are not a helpless victim of time's ravages.
The greatest mistake the modern woman makes is to suppose she can graft a girl - the girl she once was or another girl entirely - on to her ageing features.' 

Girls be proud of who and what you are, there has never been a better time to be 50+. Take Meryl Streep's phrase 'make a mirthful virtue out of what age has done to you. Why feel the need to 'nick and tuck'?  If you 'do' your face...then your hands, neck and knees will give you away every time. The sparkle in your eye is not lessened by an wrinkle or two.

Even Cleopatra appreciated her age...she considered herself 'ripe in judgement and the more powerful and interesting for it.'

'For a woman's experience, whether cloaked in mystery or jested about openly, is a great spur to passion'- now here is where I thought the author was showing a wee bit of male attitude.
Uummm pass on that one... I was thinking  he was a little bit one eyed. 

'For a woman to make comedy out of her experience and appearance requires courage - yet she should have confidence in the arousing effect'. 

Finding humour in a situation and in our lives even when surrounded by chaos  is skill and one with cultivating. My experience, personally and  with clients has been that when a drama hits....the ability to have fun and laugh goes out the window.  Suddenly you wake up one day...and find you have forgotten  'how'.  The insecurities hit and you think 'OOhh I couldn't...could I?

You betcha girls...go for it! Whether you are fifty and feisty, sixty and sassy or to quote Coco Chanel,  "You can be classy at forty, gorgeous at fifty or irresistible for the rest of your life! Let's go for irresistible!
The phrase that struck a cord with me was that 'she has grown into her face'


It reminded me of myself...I believe I did exactly that...on reflection my challenging early life left me with no confidence and no self esteem. My inner thoughts and feelings were reflected outwardly for the world to see. 

Decades later and experiences from the miniscule to the monumental have seen me 'grow into my face' with confidence and courage, style and graciousness. 

 'If only I had had a confidence coach in my early days'! Today I fill that role for other women. You may have a goal, yet realise that having self esteem and self confidence are actually more important than the goal or a lack of confidence is preventing you from achieving it. If you want to read from someone who did it themselves read more at . And the amazing thing is with self esteem and self confidence restored things start to happen and your goal is much more achievable. 

The article concludes with the words. ' Somehow or other the older woman has been tricked into thinking that when it comes to appearance, the young have all the answers, when the truth is that to be young is to be uncertain, frightened and gauche
In fact, 'the older woman has it all - if only she knew it.

I would love to hear your comments and I leave you with 3 questions to ponder:
  • What is the allure of the older woman to you?
  • Do you see yourself as alluring, confident, knowing?
  • Does the older woman have it all?


  1. What a lovely post Di. I love growing older. I love the freedom to be just me, the shaking of what I thought I should be and the becoming of what I wish to be, each and every day. On my journey to grey hair at age 45 I have gained an even deeper level of confidence. I now feel truly who I am. There is nothing more to hide. Freedom :)

    1. Thanks Kama for your beautiful thoughts. Isn't it an amazing and exquisite when you relax into being you. I meant it when I said mature women have soo much to give. Cheers Di