I woke this morning to beautiful sunshine. My home is in a magnificent setting, trees around me, the water in the creek was tinkling away as it cascaded over rocks, the birds were singing. All fantastic!
Was I seeing, hearing or feeling that beauty this morning? No, I wasn’t, I had fear seeping through me, insidious, engulfing me, overwhelming me… it has been building for the last few days. I could not see round my corner and I was almost going to start painting the ceiling beige…can’t have that now can we…definitely time for action!
Why would I be feeling like that? Now let me explain I very seldom turn my TV on, yet I succumbed on Monday night, eekkk housework fairy close your eyes and ears…yes I admit it, I found cobwebs on the plug...uummm when did I use it last? Hang on, where was I? Ahh the news - it was totally about the drama and heartache around the floods. I allowed that to impact me, even to the extent of picking up and absorbing those negative emotions?
Why was I allowing it to disturb my peace? Where was my courage?
Ok, what it actually did was to top up other issues that were simmering away. Yes I allowed it all to spill over, to cascade all over me. Yes, it was my choice to worry…
Have you ever noticed when you let the ‘worry wart’ loose, it screams out to every worry you ever had, since Adam was a lad, and they come out running to support your current negative Nelly feeling. True to form they came in droves! As if to say ‘Hey worries…the door is open - come, she’s down, let’s go get her!’
I felt the need to express how I feel today as ‘showing your vulnerability’ is something I tell clients shows a strength, reaching out shows strength and reaching out makes a difference. What we tell ourselves has an effect at a cellular level, even when it is not articulated.